top of page

Why do we hold on to trauma?

Updated: Dec 1, 2022

“Trauma creates change you don’t choose. Healing is about creating the change you do choose.” ~ Michelle Rosenthal

We all go through trauma, and we all deal differently with it. We can decide t accept it and let go, or we hold onto our trauma our whole lives. Some of us end up being happy again; others stay imprisoned by their trauma their entire lives. This shows it’s a 50/50 chance of overcoming our trauma. But that is not true.

We can overcome our trauma due to intensive therapy and more, so; training our minds.


We all experience trauma differently and hold on to it for different reasons. We must first try to understand ourselves and why we keep holding on to our trauma so we can start working towards healing. Reasons for holding on can be:

- we identify ourselves with our trauma;

- we cannot accept what has happened;

- we are afraid of being judged/ not believed;

- we cannot forgive ourselves;

- our daily life is based around our trauma;


We tend to get attached to our trauma because most of our behavior is based on it. It feels foreign and scary to let go. Looking at my trauma, I could see that my whole life was built around it - my work, friends, relationships, and me. I could not be without my trauma. It became my comfort zone. [ what if your mental illness becomes your comfort zone?]

I knew I had to take drastic measures to overcome my trauma. So far, all my years of therapy sessions have been unsuccessful. What did I need? I did not know. I started to read books about how the mind works, and one day, I stumbled on a book that changed my life: Breaking the habit of being yourself- by dr Joe Dispenza.

After I finished the book, I knew things would change. I started to realize that my thoughts were keeping my trauma alive.


Most thoughts, actions, and feelings are based on our trauma. More so, it will automatically create our personality around it. A personality that keeps the trauma alive. At the core, to overcome your trauma, you will also have to create a new personal reality. This may sound a bit radical, but have a look at figure 3.3. to get a better understanding.

[ figure 3.3. You are the Placebo - Dr. Joe Dispenza ]. Your personality is based on how you think, act, and feel. It is your state of being. Therefore, your exact thoughts, actions, and feelings will keep you enslaved to the same past personal reality. However, when you as a personality embrace new ideas, actions, and feelings, you will inevitably create a new personal reality in your future. Dr. Joe Dispenza, you are the placebo.


Besides the fact that we need to change our thought processes to heal from our trauma, we also need to talk about our trauma. A lot of us don’t talk about it. We keep our dark secrets to ourselves, hoping things will be better one day. I carried my trauma with me for fifteen years. No one knew, not even my family or friends. Nothing changed.

I can share my trauma today because I'm no longer attached to it. With that, I encourage others to come forward and share their trauma. We need to vocalize to change our thought process afterward.

My trauma started in my childhood. From the age of eight until seventeen, I was mentally, physically, and sexually abused. For the next fifteen years, I carried my trauma with me—every minute, second, and hour of the day. My trauma was my identity. I kept it a secret, and by doing so, I kept the trauma alive. CONCLUSION Once I started to share my trauma with others, my thoughts became different. I felt less heavy in my mind, for it not to be longer a secret. With that, my mind had space to learn how to create new thoughts and feelings, which changed my actions. It had room to create a new personal reality without my trauma being attached.

We must try to reach a point where we let go of our old thoughts by choice. Your thinking will determine whether you can let go of your trauma. [ how to snap out of obsessive thoughts ]

How is your trauma affecting your daily life, and do you feel you can let go? Let's talk about it in the comments below.

79 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All